"Do You Feel Different?"

Every year, without fail, I hear the same question from people on my birthday: “Do you feel any different?” And the answer is always the same: “No.” Why would I? It’s literally just one day separated from the last year. Are magical transformations supposed to happen overnight? Like some very boring and uneventful fairytale?

But all jokes aside, I kind of did expect to feel different this year. Afterall, this isn’t just another year rolling over on the calendar of my life. It’s a whole new decade. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe to wake up with a new outlook on the world, with new wisdom knocking around in my head, or with a new cynical outlook on how the “youngins are wasting youth.” That’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re older right? But, alas, none of these things hit me. It felt much like any other day. Fitting enough, I even spent it waking up obscenely early and standing in line with cranky people, getting told where to walk by other cranky people, all to cram in a flying tube with more cranky people.

And, I’ll admit, much of this put me on a course to add my own cranky spirit to the mix. But one thing that has come with 30 trips around the sun is perspective. There may be minor inconveniences here and there, but life is pretty f@#$in cool, and turns out, gets cooler as you go along.

Many of us, myself included, have the amazing opportunity to build the life we want. It’s easy to expect things, to expect changes as we get older. And yes, there will be lots of those, some predictable and more not so much. But this is all gradual. And we don’t become radically different just because the number of years we’ve been around goes up.

I’ve put a lot of weight and expectation on certain ages. I think we all do. The funny thing is that the closer I get to those numbers, the more ridiculous that concept starts to seem. I expect a lot of myself, and honestly, I find myself falling short of those expectations most of the time.

30 is a big one. 20 year old me would have expected me to have it all figured out right now. And a part of me is still disappointed that I don’t. I don’t have a wife, a dog, a house, a cabin. I don’t have all the money. There’s still a ton I want to accomplish. I feel pretty much the same as I did when I was that 20 year old expecting to own the world at 30, which, I suppose, could be considered a disappointment or failure.

BUT there’s a flip side to all that. I’ve done and seen things, met people, made money and kissed girls that would make 20 year old me insanely jealous. I don’t feel much different, sure, but that’s because I’m not. I’m still the same kid listening to pop punk and dreaming about what comes next. I’m just further along the timeline. And none of this happened overnight. I do feel different I guess. But it’s hard to tell because the evolution of Galen Murray hasn’t been, nor will ever be, instantaneous. It’s a journey. And I just happen to be at year 30 of that journey.

- GALEN MURRAY -

VISUAL VAGABONDS Owner/DP