Am I Fulfilled?

It’s funny what a chance encounter can do to get the gears spinning in your head. I was on a shoot recently, another day shooting the same b-roll shots I’ve shot countless times now, when a guy walked up to me rolling a beautiful old film camera. I was in such a rush to get my shot list done and checked off that I nearly walked off without so much as saying a word to him. When you shoot b-roll you get used to ignoring as much as you can because most people don’t ask interesting questions. Luckily for me, though, this guy was much more social and persistent than I.

We got to chatting about what I was doing, why I was there and if I was there for work. The normal questions you spit out automatically when you’re out and about with a camera. But he dug deeper and asked me something that I’ve spent the rest of the day and a lot of every day since contemplating. He asked if what I do and the types of projects I work on is fulfilling to me. At the time I spit out the same spiel that I give everyone.

“Oh, it depends on the gig, but I love always doing something new.”

We exchanged pleasantries and went our separate ways, but it got me thinking. Am I fulfilled? This guy had just wrapped a film and was out the same day playing with his camera and taking the time to chat with another member of the film community on the street just because. I don’t remember the last time I pulled out a camera just to play. I still love cameras and stories and tech and techniques. But it’s been so long since I’ve felt truly fulfilled by anything I’ve done.

Part of that can be attributed to the types of things I’ve worked on and the stresses of trying to make everything work from a financial point of view. Afterall, starting a new business and trying to maintain the freelance work that has paid the bills for years is mentally taxing.

But I think more importantly lacking has been my spirit and mindset of play. I always used to dream of all the beautiful things I could shoot if only I had the right equipment. And now I have access to anything I could want, but never get out to use it.

Fulfillment is a tricky thing because it can mean something different to different people and at different times in life and even based on different scenes and settings. Part of it for me is finding the right projects that excite me. And that will come. But I think more important right now is playing. Reigniting that joy and passion that comes with shooting something beautiful and inspiring. Taking out that camera and walking down the street to see what you can find.

Fulfillment for me has always come out of hard work and creative play. Well, I’ve been no stranger to hard work lately, so I think it’s high time to reignite that flame of creative play.

- GALEN MURRAY -

VISUAL VAGABONDS Owner/DP